I recently met a woman who said she had tested positive for HPV after an abnormal pap smear. She said she has never had warts, and that it had been diagnosed as the more high-risk kind. Since that pap smear she has had several subsequent ones that came back normal. Could she transmit HPV to me? Is there anything I can do to protect myself?

Over 70% of sexually active adults will show evidence of a past HPV infection. Most HPV infections are asymptomatic - that is, people are infected and do not know it. It's possible you've already been exposed to the strain that this woman was diagnosed with. Many HPV infections go away on their own. When HPV infection goes away the immune system will remember that HPV type and keep a new infection of the same HPV type from occurring again.

I just tested positive for an STI and had 3 partners in the past month. Do I need to tell them? How do I tell them?

To protect the health of your partners and prevent you from getting an STI again, we encourage you to tell all your partners.

Self-disclosure is the act of sharing with sex partners about a recent diagnosis with an STI or HIV, and how they might have been exposed. Self-disclosing may feel personal or vulnerable. But self-disclosing can be empowering, honest, and helps your sex partners get the care that they might need as well.

There are two ways self-disclose:

I'm a gay guy and have been together with my boyfriend for over a year. We don’t use condoms. Recently I've become worried that he's having sex with other people. It has me wondering if I should ask him to start using condoms again? How can I do that without a fight?

You describe a difficult situation - that is, what to do when agreements about condom use and sex may feel broken. The best thing to do is to discuss the situation and acknowledge that you are concerned about your own health, as well as your partner's health. If you focus on the health aspects and not the relationship issues, you may be successful when bringing up the subject with him. It will be a tough discussion and you have to decide if your love is worth it.

I always bareback (have unprotected anal sex) with my partner. We are monogamous, both HIV negative and got checked for STIs about 6 months ago. Since my boyfriend loves to ejaculate inside me, I am wondering whether there is any health risk from the cement left in my rectum?

No, there is no particular risk of semen (cement) left in your rectum. Most of it will spill out of its own accord with your next bowel movement, if not before. The trick in your situation is to be very sure both partners are truly monogamous. This means that neither you nor your partner are enjoying a quickie here or there on the side. It's a good idea to keep communication open so you can both continue to be assured of your sexual health.

My girlfriend suggested that we have anal sex without a condom. It would be our first time. I thought you were always supposed to use one because of the risk of infection. If you and your partner don't have any STIs or HIV, is it safe to not use a condom for anal sex? All of the information I've found out there assumes you don't know your partner's status in regards to STIs and HIV.

You're right -- in order for you to be exposed to HIV or STIs, your sex partner(s) has to be infected. So, if you're in a relationship and you've both tested negative for STIs recently, and neither of you are having sex with anyone else, you're not at risk for getting or giving an STI.  A person can have an STI and spread it to others without knowing it. You can't tell whether or not a person has an STI just by looking at them which is why its important to get tested for STIs, even if you're feeling ok.

A sex partner just told me that they were diagnosed with an STI. I feel fine, so I am pretty sure they didn't get it from me. They want me to get tested anyway. Do I need to?

That's great that your partner was able to share this with you - they must care about your health as well as their own.  Many STIs are asymptomatic which means you can have one and not know it.  Even if you feel ok, the STI could be causing inflammation and problems for your body, and you could potentially give it to someone else without knowing it. Therefore its super important that you get tested. There are a bunch of different STIs, so if you can find out from your partner what they have, that will help your medical provider take the best care of you.

My new partner just told me that he has a history of genital herpes. I really like him, but I'm terrified of getting herpes, what should I do?

Genital herpes is common. It is usually caused by HSV-2, but it can also be caused by HSV-1. About 12% of people in the US have been infected with HSV-2. Its possible you've been infected with HSV-2 in the past and don't know it, because not everyone who gets infected with HSV-2 develops symptoms (for example, ulcers or an ""outbreak""). You could ask your primary care provider to test you for antibodies to HSV-2, this would tell you whether or not you've already been infected.

I was diagnosed with genital herpes a few years ago, but haven't had an outbreak in over 8 months. I just got into a new relationship, should I tell my partner?

Though it can be difficult, it is recommended to discuss a herpes diagnosis with a potential sex partner. Doing so can set the relationship off on the right foot and allow both of you to be involved in a conversation about prevention strategies. For a great resource for talking with partners about a herpes diagnosis, check out: https://www.ashasexualhealth.org/herpes-and-relationships/.

I was recently diagnosed with genital herpes. My partner says he got tested and that he was negative. Is he lying to me?

It is definitely possible that you have genital herpes and that your partner does not. Only your partner knows for sure if he is telling the truth, but here are some scenarios in which he could be correct about not having herpes when you do. One possibility is that you have had herpes for a long time and were just recently diagnosed. Many people with genital herpes are unaware that they are infected and find out when they get a positive blood test for herpes, or when they develop symptoms of an outbreak. It can be very hard to accurately determine when you contracted a herpes infection.

Subscribe to Partners and Relationships