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Ask Dr. K

I'm currently in a five-year relationship. We maintain our own homes, however. For the past three years, we have been having sex without condoms. On a recent trip to Provincetown, I noticed he was looking at other guys and flirting a lot. It has me wondering if I should ask to start using condoms again? I'm not feeling so safe anymore. How can you do that without a fight?

You describe a difficult situation -- that is, what to do when a partner may have not met your expectations. Obviously, the best thing to do is discuss the situation, acknowledge that you are apart sometimes and that you are concerned about your own health and his. It is common for people not with each other regularly to find other sexual partners, perhaps not for the emotional connection but for the physical connection. That may be OK, as long as you both agree to the terms. It is not okay, though, if it endangers your health. If you focus on the health aspects and not the relationship issues, you may be successful when bringing up the subject with him. It will be a tough discussion and you have to decide if your love is worth it.

To your health,
Dr. K

Last modified on Tuesday, June 03, 2008.
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